The "What If" Game

We all get sucked into the "what if this" and "what if that" game. We just do. We are human. I've been playing it a lot lately. Too much. So, I thought if I wrote a little bit about it, maybe I could bring my "what if" game to a conclusion. For a while anyway...

IF my husband had not died, I would still be completely retired. Traveling with him. Hanging out at our place in the country. But he did die, so I am no longer retired. Many days I don't know how I feel about that.

IF my husband had not died, I would still have things magically happen. My yard would be taken care of, my car, the pool, grocery shopping. But he did die, so now I am in charge of everything.

IF my husband had not died I would have no idea that I could do all those things! Not to say I'm not overwhelmed, but I'm doing them. Stuff is getting done and I'm making it happen.

IF my husband had not died, would I have begun to pursue a writing career? At age 63? I'll never know for sure, because he did die and I AM pursuing a writing career.

IF my husband had not died, I would be comfortable, happy, content. But he did die...and I am finding comfort, happiness, and contentedness in my new life. It's a slow moving machine, this grief thing. But it is moving, and moving forward.

As always, thanks for reading my little thoughts. I love to read your comments. Please share if you are so inclined.

PS Have I mentioned that I pitched my book to five agents and they have all asked for at least a portion of my manuscript??? Doesn't mean a single one is going to sign me, but I've got my fingers crossed!! And I think I have a sweet man in heaven who is doing his best to pull some strings for me!