Cheers to the Fake Fireplace

This has been a year of change for me. I've had to reinvent myself as an I, me; no more we or us. Our house has become my house. Our dog has become my dog. Our decisions have become my decisions, my chores, my responsibilities. I am on my own. I am a woman. I am a widow. Whew...it's a lot.

It took a while for Josie, to become my dog. She was his dog, his baby. Her heart broke with mine. But with time, a lot of tears and a whole lot of love, she is mine now. Completely and totally mine. She lays on my feet and spoons me in bed. I know he approves.

For the first few months, I still lived in our house. I couldn't even set foot in our kitchen. I could not sit in our chair in our bedroom. I read a lot of books and talked to a counselor in my quest for me. If I was going to stay in our house, it had to become my house. And that would require change.

I worried that changing things in our house would be like erasing him from existence. But that had already happened, right? So, with the help of my dear friend Carla, I updated a bathroom. And I could feel him smiling.

I started cooking again, and I cried as I learned how to cook for one. But I can feel him smiling, hovering over my shoulder, wishing he could grab a taste.

We always wanted a fireplace in the living room. One of those things that never happened, but I did it. It's little and it's fake, and I love it. And my dog loves it. And he loves it. I can feel it.

So here's to my fake fireplace, in my living room, with my dog. I know he's cheering me on.